i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
