??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
