I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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