just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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