no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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