Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
