is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
