At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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