I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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