I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
