She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
