Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
