If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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