do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
