here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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