You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
