I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's shark week go big or go home
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
