sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
