my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
