they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
