sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
