I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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