I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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