Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
