She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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