Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
