You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
