it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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