I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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