Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
