Girls should come with a carfax report
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
