he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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