oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
