is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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