I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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