we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
