By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
