maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
sex in a hospital.. check
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
