Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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