My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
