I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
