You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
