It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
this is an emotional support booty call
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
