Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
