Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
