i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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