Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
