he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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