im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
