You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
